As a man, how do you know when you’ll be ready to commit?

After working with male clients for 15 years, I have learned a thing or two about men. When it comes to commitment, I have a philosophy that three things must be in place for a man to commit to a relationship – I mean really commit.

At the beginning of most romantic relationships, a new couple is usually caught up in a delightful whirlwind of excitement and passion. As the couple learns more about each other such as shared interests and future plans, they both gain insights into the other person which is a positive step. Over time there may be the hope of a new beginning filled with never ending love and a forever soulmate.

With any relationship that becomes serious, there are three important considerations that a man will be thinking about. These are tips that can be helpful for both men and women to understand.

1. Their career/money has to be in a good place that seems “good enough” for them.

• He may very well want his education to be finished.
• He will likely want his career path to be on a solid ground and heading in the right direction.
• If he has any big financial considerations, such as child support or alimony from a divorce, he will likely be taking these things into consideration when he thinks about whether or not he is ready to take any big steps with a new partner.

2. He will have to have found the ‘right’ woman. A man needs to know what he’s looking for in a committed relationship and will not seek just any woman – he will want to right person for him.

Men often have a “type” – do not try to force it with a man if you are not his “type”. If he likes blondes, that’s ok. If he likes sporty, that’s ok. If he likes someone very casual who can easily leave the house with no make-up, that’s great. Don’t change yourself to be who he wants you to be. Be your best self but don’t try to force something that is not a good fit.

Other things he will be considering:

• Your desire for children. He may want kids if he doesn’t have any yet. But, he may very well not want any if he already has children from a previous relationship. (Never try to trap a man by getting pregnant.)
• Do you have children from a previous relationship? He may or may not be willing to take this on.
• Money issues can destroy a relationship, and is known to be one of the biggest causes of breakups, resentments, and heated arguments. It’s important to share the same views on budgets, savings, etc.
• How close are you to the important people in your life?
• Does he get along well with you family and friends.
• Are there many shared interests and hobbies?
• Do you expect to do everything together as a couple, or are you comfortable with giving your partner space for her own individual interests?
• If religion plays a important role in his life, this will be carefully considered before any final commitments are made. It’s even more of an issue if children will be involved.
• If children are going to enter the picture, what would that look like? Will both of you be working again at some point?
• The last vital point to consider is sexual desire and compatibility. Is it there now and will it be there for the future?

3. He will have to have the where-with-all to be able to put the energy in a relationship to make it happen.

• If he is struggling with depression, low self-esteem, or confidence issues, he’ll likely not believe that he is in a place to fully commit to the woman.
• If he does some personal work with a therapist, life-coach, or other mentor, it is possible for this to improve.

If you are a woman reading this, please keep in mind that it is not your job to change your man. If he is not ready, he is not ready. Give him time as this may change. Forcing your agenda or timeline on him will not lead to a good result in the big-scheme of things. Find out what he needs and try to be a great partner to him. Being your best self is the best way to lasting love. Get busy living your life and finding some happiness and fulfillment outside of your relationship.

If you are a man reading this, hopefully these tips can help you answer some of your questions as to why you haven’t fully committed to someone yet. Self-awareness is key in any successful relationship.