Often in my life and in my work I come across people who are struggling with a lot of insecurities and seem very concerned about the judgments of others.
Sometimes this phenomenon seems to completely dictate a person’s life and they are filled with anxiety and guilt about who they are as a person or the choices they make.
I believe this is one reason people end up in mid-life crisis around age 40 instead of a mid-life transition.
People don’t always live their life for themselves or by their own values and standards. People seem to live by other people’s rules for things such as what success looks like.
I have come to see this kind of problem to have its roots in issues of attachment with parents or primary caregivers.
In childhood we all have some sort of attachment that develops in relation to our caregivers. Be it healthy or unhealthy, some attachment style forms.
As we get older and become adults, it is important to detach from our primary caregivers and become our own person. This is a healthy part of psychological development.
As we become more solid in knowing ourselves as individuals with our own values, interests, abilities – separate from our primary caregivers – we can stand on our own 2 feet more confidently and not be so concerned about the judgments of others.
We feel grounded and secure and in tune with ourselves and feel confident to make good choices for ourselves.
It is okay to create boundaries with family members who want you to stay enmeshed and may be holding you back from being to real you. You can’t expect others to know your boundaries – you have to create them and teach them to the people in your life. This might take several tries and a lot of communication but it is worth it in the end.
You get to know yourself and feel more confident out in the world!
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You can also contact Janel directly for a free phone consultation or to set up a counselling appointment:
janel@healingsolutions.ca
604-809-0351
Centrally located downtown Vancouver.